A friend of mine recently posted that by dropping bits of writing onto her blog every day, she’s littering. Her work is amazing so if she litters, then this blog is officially a landfill.
Today is one of those days that I want to put behind me in 2014 – a day off of work where instead of being productive, I sit in bed with my dog and watch TV ALL day.. I didn’t even get dressed. I didn’t even enjoy it because the whole time I sat here I thought about the million things I should be doing. I think I got up to pee 3-4 times, took a bath, came back to bed, played on the computer, played a game… I mean come ON – this is not how someone should be spending their day off at age 30, right? I channel my mother from time to time and tell myself, “Get off your ass!” — she would say this if I slept in til 9am on any day off and I never would have dreamed staying in PJs all day. No such luck. I have lots of days like this – far too many days like this. I don’t want to sit here like a log, and I always have to-do lists – but two sides of my mind are at odds with each other. One side is slathered in chocolate, laying on the couch, watching sitcoms. The other side is choking to death underneath it, trying to make to-do lists and be a productive member of society. For the past 2.5 years, my sloth side has won 100%.
Tonight I tried to think of 10 things I enjoyed doing in 2013, and sadly I could only name 7 instances of moments or events I actually enjoyed. How sad is that? Completely so. See — this? All of this? Everything above this sentence in this post…. this is why I have to write this blog and mix up my karmic roux… 2014 has to be my year of change. All of this — this isn’t me. I’m way below the surface – just not sure where yet.