When I was 15 I took myself on a date to “the city,” 45 minutes away from home, where I spent all day by myself roaming around independent book & coffee shops, poking around piles of vinyl and sitting on sticky park benches trying to look cool. It was such a memorable day (15+ years ago) because it was the first time I learned that being alone could be fun. I think we all grow up (or at least I did) learning that we aren’t the coolest color in the box of crayolas unless we’re constantly surrounded by friends and party invitations. Noone ever taught me how to be alone. As a result, I hate it. No, I’m afraid of it. I have to psych myself up for it and make it into something fun and adventurous — like stocking up on food my partner hates to eat when she goes out of town, walking to the store to get a peach soda, or even walking the dog. Being alone is not something I do very well.
So tomorrow will be a good test — I’m having another self-date like I did when I was 15, walking into the city, spending the day by myself. I hope to find a coffee shop, grab a solo lunch at a little shop I’ve been meaning to try, and get some Christmas shopping done. I may even bring a camera and play tourist. Part of me is excited, ready for an adventure. Then there’s the other part of me which makes me nostalgic for my 15 year old state: “What will people think of someone wandering around alone (as if anyone cares)? Will I look “uncool”? How do I eat lunch alone? I should make sure my phone is 100% charged in case I want to call or text people.”
^^I mean how silly is all this? (above)…. Ridiculous, right? I can’t believe I still have these thoughts. So – this whole blog is about how I will mix up my karmic roux in 2014… one ingredient to add to the pot: the ability to feel confident in solo situations.
This post brought to you at 2:30am by the lingering effects of the previous posts’ coffee, and the additional effects of winding down from work + excitement about tomorrow.