This post should be renamed: [I’m] So.Fucking.Resentful. I find myself getting into these circular arguments and circular situations regarding house cleaning. They go like this:
1. Me: I do some serious deep cleaning for 2-3 hours.
2. Partner: Says “looks nice”… does absolutely NO cleaning for a MONTH. On her days off, she sits, reads, watches TV while the mess around her piles up.
3. Me: As a result of the above, I become resentful and don’t want to clean because partner does no cleaning at all… so on my days off, I sit *wanting* to clean (staring at the mess in disgust and building resentment) but refuse to because it should be a *shared* activity.
4. (Month goes by)
5. Me: I do some serious deep cleaning for 2-3 hours. Get angrier.
(Repeat steps 1-5…over and over and over and over and over and over again.)
House: Gets nasty.
Okay, it’s a ratchet way to live. We both have 2 days off per week from work (different days of the week from each other). She cleans MUCH slower than I do.. I can get 5 minutes of cleaning done in the same time she cleans for two hours, no exaggeration. That doesn’t even bother me – what bothers me is she doesn’t even put any effort in.
I’ve tried all of this:
- Threatening to hire a house cleaner (this makes her crazy because we don’t have the $$ to spend on it).
- Threatened to throw both of our things away because we don’t take care of it.
- Made “chore lists” for both of us like we are 17 and in our first apartment (I end up getting even more angry because she only completes 1/10 things on the list and it all goes to hell).
- Let HER make up the chore lists (tried to give her autonomy over the situation)
- Let HER go through all of my stuff and throw anything out she thinks I haven’t used/worn in ages (even this doesn’t work…)
- Switched to disposable everything (cutlery/paper things/etc) – I really hate this.. #CarbonFootprint
- Bought REALLY cool cleaning stuff/gadgets to try and make it fun
So at this point I just throw my hands up in disgust – and every once in a while I freak out and get angry. Every single time that happens, she gets up and cleans for 10-15 minutes, then goes back to whatever she was doing. Why does it have to get to that point? I hate living like this.
Full Disclosure: I grew up in a house where if I left a cup out on a table for five minutes after I finished it, I’d get smacked. Hell, sometimes my mother would take the glass away before I was finished – it’d end up in the dishwasher.
Okay so I spent all of the above time venting about the cleaning thing. The question is how the hell do I attack this situation from this point on? January is just around the corner. Gotta make a plan.