Disclaimer: You May Want to Skip This Whiny, Self Esteem/Fat Kid Post.

As per my very first post, the purpose of this blog is to steamroll some drastic change in my life. I think it’s safe to say that the biggest issue I’d like to hop on is my appearance/weight/self esteem, and I put them all together because you can’t really discuss any of them without discussing the others. Cue whiny girl rant…

 

Some  disclosure: I am 100 lbs overweight and I have a clothing style in my head that my body can’t fit into. Until the past few months I never wore makeup and the result is a new addiction to Ulta.  My entire life I’ve had problems with scarring – I can get bit by a mosquito and the mark lasts a decade. I hate my hair. I had it short for several years (think pixie cut) then a year ago I decided to grow it out and now it’s past my shoulders and so thick I can’t really leave it down unless I spend an hour with the straightener. I am obsessed with OPI nail products. In my head I can run marathons and climb mountains, whereas in reality my body gives me warnings with bouts of high blood pressure from a ridiculous amount of salt intake. I love to cook but I hate having a dirty kitchen (see previous post). I hate dieting – tried them all. The healthiest I ever felt was a few years ago when I decided to eat only raw foods for 3 months – I lost a ton of weight and had more energy than a terrier… but let’s face it: I like bacon too much to go through that shit again. 

Today’s question: What the bloody hell do I do about all of this (above)? I’m fat, lazy, and ugh… and I need a new job in my actual profession but until my appearance instills more confidence, I won’t feel comfortable sending out apps.. It’s obvious that in order for me to get a new job and thus become happier and more financially stable, I need to first work on my appearance… that brings me to this:

  • How can I change my eating and exercise habits living with someone who’s sweet tooth could just be labeled “sugar cube”…?
  • I’m absolutely horrible at exercising by myself. I know that in order to stay motivated, I need a buddy. As previously stated, I’ve pushed my friends away with this depression.. #problem
  • I can anticipate creating a plan to stay on top of all of this, but my roux ingredients are OCD + depression +lack of motivation… which means once I screw up once, I quit and call myself a failure. I have no idea how to fix this. I’ve tried, and failed, my entire life.

Ugh.

This whiny post brought to you sitting in bed with 1 cat, 1 dog, a hair straightener, and a space heater. 

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2 comments

  1. I’m working through some of the same things. My boyfriend can eat pretty much whatever he wants without gaining weight.

    I’ve found that finding something that works with your natural tendencies helps instead of working against them. Remember, any small positive change is a move in the right direction 🙂

    1. Guys suck like that… some day scientists are gonna figure out how to swap male/female metabolic systems and they’re gonna gain a pound for every beer they drink (or something).

      Thanks for the tidbit of motivation… always appreciated (& thanks for saying hi!) 🙂

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