As per my very first post, the purpose of this blog is to steamroll some drastic change in my life. I think it’s safe to say that the biggest issue I’d like to hop on is my appearance/weight/self esteem, and I put them all together because you can’t really discuss any of them without discussing the others. Cue whiny girl rant…
Some disclosure: I am 100 lbs overweight and I have a clothing style in my head that my body can’t fit into. Until the past few months I never wore makeup and the result is a new addiction to Ulta. My entire life I’ve had problems with scarring – I can get bit by a mosquito and the mark lasts a decade. I hate my hair. I had it short for several years (think pixie cut) then a year ago I decided to grow it out and now it’s past my shoulders and so thick I can’t really leave it down unless I spend an hour with the straightener. I am obsessed with OPI nail products. In my head I can run marathons and climb mountains, whereas in reality my body gives me warnings with bouts of high blood pressure from a ridiculous amount of salt intake. I love to cook but I hate having a dirty kitchen (see previous post). I hate dieting – tried them all. The healthiest I ever felt was a few years ago when I decided to eat only raw foods for 3 months – I lost a ton of weight and had more energy than a terrier… but let’s face it: I like bacon too much to go through that shit again.
Today’s question: What the bloody hell do I do about all of this (above)? I’m fat, lazy, and ugh… and I need a new job in my actual profession but until my appearance instills more confidence, I won’t feel comfortable sending out apps.. It’s obvious that in order for me to get a new job and thus become happier and more financially stable, I need to first work on my appearance… that brings me to this:
- How can I change my eating and exercise habits living with someone who’s sweet tooth could just be labeled “sugar cube”…?
- I’m absolutely horrible at exercising by myself. I know that in order to stay motivated, I need a buddy. As previously stated, I’ve pushed my friends away with this depression.. #problem
- I can anticipate creating a plan to stay on top of all of this, but my roux ingredients are OCD + depression +lack of motivation… which means once I screw up once, I quit and call myself a failure. I have no idea how to fix this. I’ve tried, and failed, my entire life.
This whiny post brought to you sitting in bed with 1 cat, 1 dog, a hair straightener, and a space heater.