It’s Friday – my day off. My lofty goal for the day is to complete every item on my to-do list. Job applications, cleaning, eating right, exercising/gym, reading — all of it. Can I do it? Who knows.. but I’ll check back in later to let you know. I need one good, solid, productive day. I think today is it.
It’s silly, right?… To have things on my “lofty to do list” that normal folks do every day of their lives without thinking about it. Depression is a hard nut to crack. Sometimes just getting out of bed feeling as a 2 on the 1-10 happy/sad scale is enough to make me rejoice. If I can accomplish even half my list today, I will be ecstatic… Here I go!
Damn I need some motivation… I hope this is enough.
…and just like that, we’re almost through with the first week of February. Holy crap time is flying! My conundrum of the evening is this: late night snacking. I. fucking. love. chocolate. There, I said it. When people talk about obese folks having addiction to sweet foods, they’re talking about me – my face could be on the advertisement as a reason to ban sugar from the planet… ButOhGodIfTheyDidIWouldDie! I really have trouble with late night binges. I live within a walking distance from an awesome fast food place (Rally’s) and tonight I was super-craving some loaded fries…(insert drool here)….
But time lords, fear not, for I did not succumb to my own temptation. Instead I googled the nutrition info of all the crap I *wanted* to eat and after realizing half a bite of all of that is what I should be eating for an entire day, I decided to make a hard boiled egg. All’s well and dandy except that now it’s 2:30 am and I’m WIDE awake with no sleep in sight.
I have off of work tomorrow, so the bulk of my to-do list will get done then – fingers crossed. For now I think I’ll just shut the lights off and stare at the ceiling until a dream snaps me up.
Cheers and hope y’all get to sleep more than I will tonight…
(sheesh I don’t even drink anything with caffeine…)
I was watching Biggest Loser (season 7) today and this guy Mike made a really good point in one of his “aside” interviews on the show. I think most of us sit around and wait for something amazing to fall into our laps – not a million dollars or anything seemingly unrealistic, but something simpler like a partner to work out with us, the perfect weight loss plan, an open door to the perfect job. These things seem pragmatic, yet even they’re unrealistic. No matter how realistic I think I am, underneath it all I always secretly hope for something to fall in my lap – and that’s the thing – nothing ever has, and nothing ever will. I’ve had to work hard for everything I’ve got, and even harder for the things I don’t have or didn’t get despite the work.
I was updating my LinkedIn profile earlier and looking at the profiles of so many people in my “profession” who had opportunities fall in their laps. I get pulled down in jealousy because that’s never happened to me. I was born with a rusty spoon in my mouth, while everyone around me has a shiny silver one with inlaid diamonds. Of course, maybe that’s not really the case, and maybe they work hard… the point is that I work hard and then I become resentful when seemingly “less deserving or hard-working” people get what *I* deserve – and it happens every single time. That won’t ever get me anywhere. I’ve got to change that mindset. I can sit here and talk about it until my face turns blue and I still feel resentful about many decisions that have been out of my hands… talk is cheap, self. Talk is cheap.
If you’ve been watching this blank canvas of mine then you know my partner and I have been swapping weeks for shopping & cooking. Last week I got to sit back while she did all the grocery shopping and cooking for me. This week, I’m the purveyor of tasty things. We managed a $140 trip to the grocery last night for my “week”, granted about $40-50 of it was spent on crap we needed from the cleaning/pet aisles.
My menu this week includes lots of salad options (we’re never without pretty much a complete salad bar at the house), a walnut chicken roulade, asian lettuce wraps, and baked mahi mahi. We’ve been sticking to 3-4 “big meals”, because we tend to eat out once or twice per week, and when we don’t eat out, we have leftovers. My additional goal this week [to be a better partner in crime] is to provide her with lunches and snacks, also.. I generally suck at this, and she’s generally awesome at this. We’ll see how I do, I suppose…
This Week’s To Do List:
Make 3-4 tasty meals (2 down!)
Provide awesome snack/lunch options for us
Go to the gym at least twice (1 down!)
Keep the house as clean this week as it was at the end of last week (K!)
Open some kind of bank/savings account
Find 10 things to Donate
Lose 3 pounds
Apply for 3 jobs
Read One Book
Clean off my DESK
Buy a SPORTS BRA (done!)
Plan my Carnival COSTUME
Plan Valentine’s day
Find an organziational solution for all my damn makeup.