Wow, what an insane several months. I’ve completely fallen off the bandwagon of this blog and I’m a little sad about that. In early April I started having some health issues that have escalated over the entire summer culminating with me sitting here in bed on a Saturday evening (tonight), hardly able to walk because of foot pain and swelling. I had a pretty transformative last few months, and as a result I think it’s time to get back to this project. There are 4 months left to 2014 — time to make them count. I may as well pick up where I left off.
Well shitballs. I had a pretty serious anxiety disorder for a couple years and this week it has decided to show its ratchety self once more. I thought I had seen the last of it, but apparently not. Anxiety manifests itself physically for me – my blood pressure spikes, I get a headache, I become angry/irritable, and super shaky. I was on meds for it a few years back, then I started eating better and the symptoms slowly dissipated after my stressful (but happy&productive) life fell apart because I no longer had anything to be anxious about… except no longer having a life.
I’ve had 3 “episodes” (not quite panic attacks, just anxiety episodes) this week . I remember a few years back before I knew what it was I always went straight to the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack/stroke – that’s how quickly and intensely these symptoms happen. Now I know that if I do some deep breathing, have a cold compress on my face, eat a banana, walk around for 5 minutes, then take a bath, it seems to calm down… I have to make my body feel ‘safe’ again when it happens. Anyway…3 times this week. I popped a pill (Ativan) last night for it. I should probably take them for the rest of the week just in case. In the meantime, obviously my body is giving me some kind of warning sign…
I need less salt and less caffeine (both of which when eliminated last time helped my anxiety disappear).
The positive side to this? I know without a doubt it is manifesting itself because I’m writing this – because I’m anticipating some pretty serious life changes and only days away from being a snail yanked off its happy little rock... I guess I just need to prepare myself a little more gently.
Craptastic. This post brought to you by an anxiety hangover (headache), some slight shakiness, and a bowl of raisin bran.