New Year’s

It’s Monday, Week 6, and I Feel Great!

I think I thought that by now in 2014 there’d be huge, drastic changes to how things were/looked on the last day of December in 2013. I was expecting to do a 360 right away, to be a completely new person, shedding flakes of skin and personality flaws and fat and procrastination all at the same time, on the same day, the same second… well THAT SHO’ AIN’T HAPPENIN’! So what is?

I set this whole site up for myself to be pretty crazy. You can probably tell from my endless lists and planning that I tend to border on OCD – which is hilarious when paired with procrastination such as my life. So there are no drastic changes that have happened in the first 6 weeks of 2014. I’ve lost a few pounds, I’ve joined a gym, I’ve started standing up for myself at work, I’ve looked for new jobs (but haven’t submitted any full applications yet so that’s pointless to say), I’ve nurtured my relationship with my family, I’m starting to let go of weighty “friendships”, and I’ve gone to a few cool events.

Those first two weeks of January seemed supercharged with “cool things to do”. I was actively going out and doing things with friends, and then once I started focusing on this weight loss (and thus being afraid to eat out or go to a bar), I stopped all that… I’ve got to find a balance.

Time to look at my February goals and see where I am since 1/3 of the month is over. My February goals are:

Overall GOALS:

  1. Listen to every BEATLES album chronologically. (1 down)
  2. Read 3 books related to my goals. (Read one, 2nd started)
  3. Lose 8 pounds! (1 lb loss – had setback due to family visiting)
  4. Keep my house as CLEAN as it was at the end of January. (Doing ok – could be better)
  5. Find 25 Things to Donate. (Haven’t started – will start today)
  6. Go to the gym 8 times. (Gone 3x)
  7. Spend the last two weeks of Feb in Mardi Gras BLISS (Not there yet)
  8. Find/Make a Mardi Gras COSTUME (Still no clue on this one)
  9. Apply to 3 jobs (Found 2 – haven’t applied yet) 

10 AWESOME THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN FEBRUARY:

(….. crickets) All I’ve done is work/come home/shop/eat/sleep…

As for OK things that actually have happened?

  • Bought shoe inserts to help with foot pain
  • Bought socks to help me out at the gym (needed cushioning)
  • Ordered a sports bra (came today – love it!)
  • Ordered over-the-ear sport clip headphones for the gym (WooHoo!)
  • Took the skin off the damn rotisserie chicken (harder than it sounds) before eating
  • Had dinner at M’s – talked about the Doctor all night

As you can see, I did accomplish a few small things but my list is still right there, shining brightly in my face, unfinished…

TODAY’S GOALS that involve verbs (will update later if I get them done):

  1. TAKE bath – SHAVE
  2. COOK Healthy Dinner for partner
  3. GO to the Gym
  4. CLEAN  kitchen/bedroom
  5. WATCH Biggest Loser (I’m on Season 7, down to final 4)
  6. MAKE list of 3 jobs to apply for TOMORROW (include on list what actually needs to be done)
  7. SPEND only 10 minute segments on my game(s)  – USE A TIMER
  8. BUY a procrastination book
  9. READ the first chapter in the book I buy
  10. DECIDE on a mardi gras costume
  11. FIND 5 items to donate
  12. LISTEN to the FIRST song on the FIRST Beatles album

Think I can get all that done? … Gosh I hope so.. will check in later and let ya know

(^^The crossed off items are what actually got done…so everything else gets rolled over to today’s list)

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Welcome, February! One month down, eleven to go!

Well that month FLEW by, right? I disappeared for a few days because I had people in town. I just updated my “January” summary page which keeps me accountable for all the lists and crap I post on this thing, so check it out to see how I did in January.. then stop in to the soon-to-come February page to see what’s in store for this short month of mine.

Today is my first “day off” in February 2014, and I’ve got a lot of energy to expend. I think I’ll clean a bit today, go to the gym,  and make a great meal. I found two great jobs to apply for, so later on I’ll sit down and start working on routing those applications where they need to be.

A couple of things:

1. I’m done with Weight Watchers. I really dislike it. I did it for a month. I lost 8+ pounds, which is great… but their message boards suck and their nutritional tools suck… (why? because they have NONE). I’m swapping to SparkPeople instead. I’ve used it before, and I’m confident it will take me towards my goals once more.

2. I’ve realized that I can’t just focus on one specific category every week. Life just doesn’t work that way, so I’m changing it up. My new goal will be to check *something* off a list in each category once per week.

Disclaimer: You May Want to Skip This Whiny, Self Esteem/Fat Kid Post.

As per my very first post, the purpose of this blog is to steamroll some drastic change in my life. I think it’s safe to say that the biggest issue I’d like to hop on is my appearance/weight/self esteem, and I put them all together because you can’t really discuss any of them without discussing the others. Cue whiny girl rant…

 

Some  disclosure: I am 100 lbs overweight and I have a clothing style in my head that my body can’t fit into. Until the past few months I never wore makeup and the result is a new addiction to Ulta.  My entire life I’ve had problems with scarring – I can get bit by a mosquito and the mark lasts a decade. I hate my hair. I had it short for several years (think pixie cut) then a year ago I decided to grow it out and now it’s past my shoulders and so thick I can’t really leave it down unless I spend an hour with the straightener. I am obsessed with OPI nail products. In my head I can run marathons and climb mountains, whereas in reality my body gives me warnings with bouts of high blood pressure from a ridiculous amount of salt intake. I love to cook but I hate having a dirty kitchen (see previous post). I hate dieting – tried them all. The healthiest I ever felt was a few years ago when I decided to eat only raw foods for 3 months – I lost a ton of weight and had more energy than a terrier… but let’s face it: I like bacon too much to go through that shit again. 

Today’s question: What the bloody hell do I do about all of this (above)? I’m fat, lazy, and ugh… and I need a new job in my actual profession but until my appearance instills more confidence, I won’t feel comfortable sending out apps.. It’s obvious that in order for me to get a new job and thus become happier and more financially stable, I need to first work on my appearance… that brings me to this:

  • How can I change my eating and exercise habits living with someone who’s sweet tooth could just be labeled “sugar cube”…?
  • I’m absolutely horrible at exercising by myself. I know that in order to stay motivated, I need a buddy. As previously stated, I’ve pushed my friends away with this depression.. #problem
  • I can anticipate creating a plan to stay on top of all of this, but my roux ingredients are OCD + depression +lack of motivation… which means once I screw up once, I quit and call myself a failure. I have no idea how to fix this. I’ve tried, and failed, my entire life.

Ugh.

This whiny post brought to you sitting in bed with 1 cat, 1 dog, a hair straightener, and a space heater. 

Tonight I’m Ready to Put 2013 in a Ziploc And Throw it in This Landfill.

A friend of mine recently posted that by dropping bits of writing onto her blog every day, she’s littering. Her work is amazing so if she litters, then this blog is officially a landfill.

Today is one of those days that I want to put behind me in 2014 – a day off of work where instead of being productive, I sit in bed with my dog and watch TV ALL day.. I didn’t even get dressed. I didn’t even enjoy it because the whole time I sat here I thought about the million things I should be doing. I think I got up to pee 3-4 times, took a bath, came back to bed, played on the computer, played a game… I mean come ON – this is not how  someone should be spending their day off at age 30, right? I channel my mother from time to time and tell myself, “Get off your ass!” — she would say this if I slept in til 9am on any day off and I never would have dreamed staying in PJs all day. No such luck. I have lots of days like this – far too many days like this. I don’t want to sit here like a log, and I always have to-do lists – but two sides of my mind are at odds with each other. One side is slathered in chocolate, laying on the couch, watching sitcoms. The other side is choking to death underneath it, trying to make to-do lists and be a productive member of society. For the past 2.5 years, my sloth side has won 100%.

Tonight I tried to think of 10 things I enjoyed doing in 2013, and sadly I could only name 7 instances of moments or events I actually enjoyed. How sad is that? Completely so. See —  this? All of this? Everything above this sentence in this post…. this is why I have to write this blog and mix up my karmic roux… 2014 has to be my year of change. All of this — this isn’t me. I’m way below the surface – just not sure where yet.